The other day, I went for a bike ride. Just a short one, no real goal. I needed to move my body. I needed to see trees and experience the warm light from the sun instead of the constant stream of screen light on my face.
Lately, I’ve felt completely drained of creativity. Not in my work ethic, not in my goals, but in the part of me that makes the work. The creative part. That spark. That flow. The well feels low. If I had to describe it… it feels like a deep pit of absolute pitch black emptiness. Like reaching for something that just isn’t there. Dramatic but alas, it is what it is.
Between applying to all the jobs over the past year, navigating this next phase of my career, keeping up with freelance projects, and carrying everything else that life’s been handing me lately… the joy I used to feel in my work has been flickering.
I keep trying to push through, to keep producing, to stay “on,” but the truth is, I’m tired. I’m uninspired. And I think part of that is because I’ve been stuck in a loop:
screen –> stress –> screen –> stress.
After that bike ride, I remembered an old illustration I made. A couple years ago, back when I used to hop on my bike for quick grocery runs from our old house. Those rides were short but grounding. I’d pedal down, grab a few things, and come back feeling lighter.
We don’t live there anymore, and I miss it. I miss those small, simple rituals. I miss that house. I miss how easily I could step outside and fall into rhythm with the world around me.
And I miss how often that rhythm used to quietly nudge me back into my sketchbook.
I miss that version of myself, the one who is deeply rooted in the moment, even if she didn’t know it. That lady has been in survival mode finishing her degree and making things happen. The burden has been heavy and hectic. There’s been some big breakthroughs in personal success and I’ve made sure that everyone around me is thriving. But…
I’ve just been feeling off. In general, but more specifically about my illustration style lately, like I’m trying too hard to fit in into a box that just doesn’t feel right. I think I need to stop trying so hard, honestly. I think I need more walks. Definitely more bikes rides. More sketching on paper. More messy, paint fingers.
To be clear: I’m not stepping back from my creative work. I love what I do. I’m still taking on freelance design projects, still building this thing I’ve worked so hard for. But I am stepping back from constantly creating digitally. I’m craving paper. Texture. Pencil smudges. Paint on my hands. Inspiration that comes from actual, physical experience, not scrolling or self-comparison or pushing myself to make something “shareable.”
I think my creativity needs more sunlight.
More quiet
More curiousity.
More moments that i don’t have to become anything at all.
So, that’s where I am right now, still working, still dreaming, but also making room to reconnect with the part of me that draws just to feel something again.
And even though I’m shifting gears a little, I’ll still be sharing. You might see more timelapses of me working offline; sketching, painting, or just experimenting without a screen. Not everything will be perfectly polished. But it’ll be real. And right now that’s what I need most.
It’s a weird, wobbly space… ha ha.
But…
Thanks for being here,
Jai 🙂
P.S.
Check out my little timelapse of the ride below! I had a lot of fun putting it together, even if my phone mount had a mind of its own, ha! It’s a bit rough around the edges, but I’m proud of this small foray into video editing. It’s also just really nice to look back and fall right back into that peaceful feeling, surrounded by the sounds of nature.
jaipowell.com 
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